The Physicality (and Metaphysicality) of It All

To say my diet has changed over here would be an understatement. For those of you that have followed my meandering food habits over the years, you know that I've been vegetarian, pseudo vegetarian, closet chicken eater (but still vegetarian), gluten free and most recently, a normal person who eats anything. With that, I have noticed a huge energy drain since I've been over here. At first I thought it was simply the gluten - it we an easy target and I know how much more energy I had when I stopped eating it for six months. At Keith and Maria's, I was eating two fairly large meals a day, plus a light breakfast. The two meals she made always had a gluten portion to it but we also always had wine. In addition, the altitude was considerably higher than I'm used to. They commented on how much more they slept when they moved here compared to the UK - I had the same thing happen to me. Despite sleeping a good nine, even ten hours a night, I was still lethargic a good portion of the day. Then there's the alcohol. Keith is definitely a drinker (but not abusively) so I think he enjoyed having someone around that appreciated wine and food. To that end, we went through a good amount of wine while I was there and we often had gin or vodka tonics before dinner as well with our appetizers. The most shocking of all of this is that I haven't gained any weight, from what I can tell. I think it's probably shifted around a bit, but being the work was so light at Keith and Maria's, I assumed that the eating and drinking would far outweigh the calories burned. Apparently not. I've actually lost some weight, but I'm pretty sure it's muscle from not lifting any weights. But apparently the gluten and the alcohol hasn't caused me to become my own version of the stay-puff marshmallow woman. Currently, at the host outside of Bologna, I am drinking considerably less. Victoria and Davide aren't big drinkers despite getting their wine for free from a neighbor (in exchange for the small grape harvest they have). The meals are very pasta heavy, with little deviation from that other than the shape of the noodles. Dinner is also much later in typical Italian style, around 8:30 or so. After doing dishes and cleaning up, it is at least 10:30 before I get to bed and I have to be up at 7am. So I'm getting less sleep, working on much more physical tasks, eating more gluten, but drinking less and my energy is surprisingly high. Initial conclusion? The devil Is in the wine. Which is my Least favorite option of all the others. Take the pasta, I'll work ten times harder and sleep only four hours, but please, leave me my wine. At first glance, this appears to be the issue and I'm not happy about it. So, I'm watching my wine intake closely and seeing how my energy level is affected. 
And now to the metaphysical. How are the voices inside my head treating me these days? Well, I can say that they appeared to have let up a bit. The constant inner monologue nagging about where I am in life and the constant internal pressure to be doing more or doing better has eased. I don't feel as bad about myself anymore and my self esteem has taken a surprising jump up. Yes, it is nice to know that I can travel alone and not get (too) lost or go insane in the process. But I think it's also been the way I've gotten along with everyone for the most part. It's like that Saturday Night Live skit: 'I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and gosh darn it, people like me.' That goes a long way. I'm also getting that free space in my brain to open up a bit and let some other more productive things move in. I can focus a bit more on now and today rather than worrying so much about tomorrow. I'm still not where I want to be with my ability to focus - all those years of multi-tasking makes it really hard to shut down and tell that part of you to take a vacation. But I'm getting there and I'm figuring out the tools I need to be able to step back and take a timeout. Hopefully they will stay with me when I return to the States. 
Ah yes, the return home. Not that I've given it much though at all, but I can tell you it will involve more farmers markets, less margaritas, more yoga and balanced time between friends and doing nothing. As I've hinted at before, I have a real problem saying 'no' to social activities and I'm going to have to find a way. Downtime is something I fear greatly and the consequence is ignoring things going on in my own life that need attention and I have to take three month sabbatical half way across the world to right myself.  
Then there's work. I have two jobs waiting for me when I get back, my old one and a new opportunity that will most certainly be higher stress, but will give me the opportunity to write and edit. It's technical writing, but it would be a change of pace for a bit until I can figure out what I want to do with my time long term. Writing has become a huge outlet for me and when I experience something new here, I think about it almost in terms of how I would write about it in the blog. It gives me a more concrete connection to the scenery or the tastes when I start to think about how I would try to convey it to someone half way across the world. I like it. Whether I can actually take that 'like' and turn it into something meaningful, I don't know. But I do know it's been a long time since I've said I like doing something. I am blessed enough to be able to switch careers and take a pay cut if I want to, but whenever someone asks me what I would do instead, I have no answer. "I don't really like anything. Or am excited about doing anything in particular." Now I at least like something and for me that's huge. 
So notes to self: Do more yoga. Drink less. Write whenever you can. Meditate. Eat in season. Stop rushing around all the freaking time. Smile more. Worry less, for worrying is like trying to solve an algebra problem by chewing bubble gum (I stole that analogy, but I love it). Focus on now and today. Take 15 minutes to enjoy the last bits of sunshine each day. Breathe.
Ok, enough of all of this talk. Back to story telling.