The beginning of this blog started off with a post about Eat Pray Love, one of my favorite books of all time. Throughout the chapters, the author talks about communicating with God or whatever you want to call the higher power you believe in. I can say that I have tried on many occasions to duplicate this line of communication and have not gotten the same response she has - which is to say that I have rarely had a calm but piercingly crisp and loving voice part the thoughts in my cluttered mind and impart wisdom. However, one of those rare occasions actually did happen the other night and it has stayed with me throughout the days since.
It was the middle of the night around 3am and I was half asleep, wishing I was completely asleep because I had been up late again doing mindless things, like watching TVand playing silly games on my iPhone - all in a consistent effort to not think about the things seriously bothering me. The things bothering me are all the same that have been spoken about before, but at the moment I feel like they are getting the better of me. I've lost my motivation to deal with them, face them, fix them or give them any positive energy whatsoever (negative energy, on the other hand, is abundant). I'm pretty sure it's this lack of motivation that drove me to hear the clear voice in my head earlier this week. And no, it wasn't some booming authoritarian bellowing at me, it was simply, from what I can tell, myself or my subconscience trying to get through. "Get on with it already." Initially I thought it had to do with my romantic life and moving on down that path, but now that I've had time to digest, I believe its meaning to be much broader.
Almost everyone I talk to has a dream that they keep in the back of their mind, wishing there was a way to bring it to the foreground but not knowing how. At some point, the dream gets lost or forgotten but rarely does anyone ever make the decision to say yes or no to it. The whole process is much more passive than either reaching for the stars or gracefully bowing out knowing you're ok with leaving it behind. I think that's what I was trying to tell myself. Make up your mind. "If you want to dream big, then dream big. But for god's sake stop puttering around and whining like a confused child trying to find their mother because I for one am sick of watching it. Get on with it already."
I can't blame my sub conscious, I'm pretty sick of listening to myself too.
Everyone at my age believes that time is infinite for us. In reality, we know that's not true, but we assume we have so much time ahead of us that we feel we can dilly dally about. We treat time as a luxury. I'm pretty sure that's going to come back and bite us in the end, but the alternative - facing the grim reality that our days are very numbered - is too depressing to let in on a daily basis. In my attempt to get a grip on the passing days and my abhorrent way of wasting them lately, I've decided it's time to use my most trusted method of getting me back on track. Making lists. It's the best way to organize my thoughts and get them on paper so I can see them all at once and assess the chaos I've created. I'll come back and post said list when I have it, but right now I'm just glad to be getting my butt in gear enough to blog agin for the first time in weeks. Time to connect back in with reality and shake myself from this lazy vacation I've sent myself on for the past three weeks.
It was the middle of the night around 3am and I was half asleep, wishing I was completely asleep because I had been up late again doing mindless things, like watching TVand playing silly games on my iPhone - all in a consistent effort to not think about the things seriously bothering me. The things bothering me are all the same that have been spoken about before, but at the moment I feel like they are getting the better of me. I've lost my motivation to deal with them, face them, fix them or give them any positive energy whatsoever (negative energy, on the other hand, is abundant). I'm pretty sure it's this lack of motivation that drove me to hear the clear voice in my head earlier this week. And no, it wasn't some booming authoritarian bellowing at me, it was simply, from what I can tell, myself or my subconscience trying to get through. "Get on with it already." Initially I thought it had to do with my romantic life and moving on down that path, but now that I've had time to digest, I believe its meaning to be much broader.
Almost everyone I talk to has a dream that they keep in the back of their mind, wishing there was a way to bring it to the foreground but not knowing how. At some point, the dream gets lost or forgotten but rarely does anyone ever make the decision to say yes or no to it. The whole process is much more passive than either reaching for the stars or gracefully bowing out knowing you're ok with leaving it behind. I think that's what I was trying to tell myself. Make up your mind. "If you want to dream big, then dream big. But for god's sake stop puttering around and whining like a confused child trying to find their mother because I for one am sick of watching it. Get on with it already."
I can't blame my sub conscious, I'm pretty sick of listening to myself too.
Everyone at my age believes that time is infinite for us. In reality, we know that's not true, but we assume we have so much time ahead of us that we feel we can dilly dally about. We treat time as a luxury. I'm pretty sure that's going to come back and bite us in the end, but the alternative - facing the grim reality that our days are very numbered - is too depressing to let in on a daily basis. In my attempt to get a grip on the passing days and my abhorrent way of wasting them lately, I've decided it's time to use my most trusted method of getting me back on track. Making lists. It's the best way to organize my thoughts and get them on paper so I can see them all at once and assess the chaos I've created. I'll come back and post said list when I have it, but right now I'm just glad to be getting my butt in gear enough to blog agin for the first time in weeks. Time to connect back in with reality and shake myself from this lazy vacation I've sent myself on for the past three weeks.
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